Saturday, April 23, 2011

Missing Socks, Hiccups, And Other Great Mysteries Of Life...

Since I don't have a lot of time, I'm going to put the story of Bea and the other Magic Penny Fairies on hold for today. I've decided to hold off on the real story of the tooth fairy for today as well. It's such a great story that it's worthy of it's own post. Instead, I'm going to clear up a few things we humans have been pondering since the beginning of time. Or in one case, since the advent of the washer and dryer. What follows is just a small sampling of the many things the fairies were kind enough to explain to me.

One more thing before we get started. There is a bit of terminology you need to know in order to avoid confusion.  Fairy dust and Pixie dust is the same thing. the only difference is that fairies call it fairy dust and pixies call it pixie dust. It's not unlike the spaghetti sauce vs. gravy debate among humans. The battle rages on.

OK, let's start by clearing up one of the biggest mysteries of humankind. Why do so many socks go into the laundry never to be seen again? No matter how many methods we come up with to prevent this, one or two always seem to turn up missing when it's time to sort the socks. Well, my friends, the mystery has been solved. If you've ever had socks disappear from the wash, you have fairies living near by. Well, technically they're pixies.

Regardless of what you may have heard, pixies are a type of fairy that don't have wings. Pointy ears, yes. Wings, no. Therefore, in order to fly they often need a little help from pixie dust. If they're just making a short trip it isn't a problem. They usually just hop on a dragonfly or humming bird. But pixies are a very gregarious breed of fairy. They love to travel in groups. In order to accomplish this efficiently, they often find an object to turn into a magic carpet of sorts. It must be big enough to fit a few pixies comfortably, while also being light enough so as not to have to use up too much pixie dust to get it to fly. A leaf works pretty well but they can be quite delicate, and aren't easy to come by in the winter. Socks however, are a perfect choice, particularly if the pixies have a lot of luggage. They tuck their belongings inside the sock, hop on top, sprinkle a little pixie dust, and off they go. It's really quite brilliant when you think about it.

Now, let's talk about the hiccups. If you've ever looked into this you know that while there are a few explanations offered up by modern medicine, none of them really seem to make much sense. Why do these things only cause hiccups some of the time? And why don't any of the suggested cures work? I'll tell you why, because none of these things actually cause hiccups. It's a little tricky to explain but I'll do my best.

Just as there are bad people in the world, there are also a few bad fairies. These bad fairies are not allowed to have fairy dust,  because they cannot be trusted to use it strictly for good.  Sometimes however, they manage to get their hands on some, and attempt to use it to do not very nice things to humans. In an effort to protect us from these naughty beings, the fairies created hiccups as an alarm system. Here is how it works. If a bad fairy sprinkles fairy dust around a human to create mischief, it causes an allergic reaction when we breathe it in, resulting in a case of the hiccups.  The sound of hiccups to a fairy is like nails on a chalkboard to humans, only a thousand times louder. This serves two purposes. The horrible sound of the hiccups causes the bad fairy to leave in quite a hurry, and a good fairy to come just as quickly in order to make it stop already. The good fairy blows a speck of  "good" fairy dust towards the human. When they breath it in, the hiccups instantly cease. So, the next time you get the hiccups don't bother drinking water,  unless of course you happen to be thirsty. Just be patient. A fairy will be along shortly to take care of it for you. And don't forget to say thank you once you've been cured. The fairies appreciate manners very much.Who knows, it might even result in them getting to you a little faster next time.

While we're on the topic of dust, the dust on your furniture is fairy dust with no magic left in it, which is why it does not sparkle. Contrary to popular belief, if your house is particularly dusty it is not a reflection on your housekeeping abilities or lack there of. It simply means you have a lot of fairies wandering about. Your ears probably ring quite a bit too.

Let's see, what else can I tell you. Ah yes, unicorns are real, though very rare. So are dragons, mermaids and leprechauns. Small children however, are the most magical of all beings in the universe. In fact, the following is a true statement,  "When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies."  ~ James Matthew Barrie

Alright, last one for tonight. Dandelions hold no magic. If you blow on one and make a wish, all that will happen is that more dandelion weeds will appear next spring.  This myth was started hundreds of years ago by a gnome who was angry at a garden fairy because she did not return his affections. Word on the street is he's still bitter.

Unpublished work © 2011 Laurie Konevich


  1. Well, I didn't know that! I get hiccups a lot so the bad fairies must love me and the good fairies love me more. That might explain the amount of dust in my house, too!!

  2. Whoa! Well now I can certainly hold an intelligent conversation with my little friends. I'm a bit disappointed about the dandelions though.

  3. The story just keeps getting better and better! I'm glad to know that my missing socks are being put to good use. Can't wait to hear more...I'm captivated!!!

  4. What lovely knowledge! Thanks for sharing.

  5. I love this. :) Good Faeries/Bad Faeries was my favorite book, growing up. I used to spend hours looking through it.

  6. Still loving it!!! Deb